This Week’s Struggles and Challenges

Hi everyone,

This past week has been a whirlwind of panic and overwhelming anxiety. It’s hard to describe the crushing sense of foreboding that seems to take over every part of me—physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s like my body and health are being weighed down by the sheer force of it all.

The upcoming week feels like an uphill climb with a variety of tasks that are triggering my nerves. First up, on Monday, I have an appointment with a heart specialist. This visit is to go over some test results and likely discuss changes to my lifestyle, including diet and physical activity. It’s a two-hour drive each way, so four hours in the car overall, but thankfully, my wonderful son has offered to drive. Driving doesn’t bring me much comfort these days, so having him step in means the world to me. I’m not sure how long the appointment itself will take, but I’m already feeling the weight of the day.

As daunting as Monday sounds, it’s nothing compared to what I’m facing on Wednesday—a colonoscopy. Just writing the word makes my anxiety spike. Starting Monday, I’ll have to switch to a liquid diet and take medication to prep my system. The procedure is scheduled for 7 a.m., at a hospital about an hour away. I’m deeply concerned about the drive there—how my stomach will handle it, the risk of embarrassing myself, and everything else that comes with it.

The thought of the procedure itself brings tears to my eyes. To most people, this would seem like a routine and tolerable experience. But for me, it’s monumental. I’ve been battling this level of anxiety for over 20 years, and it hasn’t become any easier. It’s hard to tell what’s a real symptom of illness and what’s simply my fears manifesting physically.

I’m beyond grateful that my son is driving me, and my incredible wife will be by my side as required for the appointment. Having her there for support means everything. I’m also uneasy about being in a hospital I’ve never been to, surrounded by unfamiliar faces. My fear level is at an all-time high—easily a 20 out of 10.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. Sharing this helps lighten the load, even if just a little. I’ll check back next week to let you know how everything went.

Take care,
Jack