Living Behind the Curtain

Hello, and welcome to my corner of the world.

Taking this step to write publicly feels like standing on the edge of a vast, uncharted territory.

For someone who has lived behind a curtain for so long, exposing my thoughts and vulnerabilities is both daunting and overwhelming.

Just the act of putting these words together has been a journey fraught with hesitation and fear.

You see, expressing myself hasn’t been easy.

When directly confronted, I often find myself grappling with severe stuttering, my mind blanking out, and a cloud of confusion settling in.

It’s as if the words are there, but they’re tangled in a web that I can’t quite unravel.

I remember a time, over 24 years ago, when things were different.

I was confident, healthy, and had a solid future ahead of me.

I envy that person—the one who could navigate life without the constant weight of anxiety and doubt.

Those memories, though precious, are often blurred by the racing thoughts that make it hard to recall them accurately.

For the past five years, I’ve been a shut-in.

Something as simple as walking the 50 feet to the mailbox requires a buildup of courage and mental preparation.

The thought of interacting with others feels like a hurdle too high to overcome.

Yet, despite these challenges, I find solace in small projects and crafts.

They offer a way to cope, to channel my energy into creating something, even if I worry it’s not good enough.

The fear of criticism looms large, but I push myself to try, hoping to break free from the constraints I’ve lived with for so long.

Through all of this, my partner has been my rock.

We’ve shared 34 years of marriage, and our love and connection are stronger than ever.

She often reminds me of the laughs we shared when I was healthy, and those memories give me strength.

Her unwavering support encourages me to take small steps forward, like writing this blog.

“Living Behind the Curtain” is more than just a title—it’s a reflection of my journey.

I hope that by sharing my experiences, I can not only help myself heal but also reach others who might be facing similar struggles.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

This is a new beginning, and while the path ahead may be uncertain, I’m hopeful for what it might bring.

Jack